24 horas

Sempre me interroguei como é que uma relação entre duas pessoas poderia sobreviver a 24 horas de convivência. Desde a minha mais tenra infância tinha professores que eram casados ou viviam juntos, convivendo 24 horas por dia. Nunca entendi que a minha simpática professora de história pudesse discutir nas reuniões de professores e na sala de professores os seus problemas com o intempestivo marido, o professor de matemática; depois ir para casa de carro com ele e conviver com ele.
Mas de facto, os casos mais gritantes encontrei-os ( e penso que quase todos) na faculdade. O regente da cadeira (normalmente, era ele o regente da cadeira) era casado com a assistente das práticas, que por acaso fora (ou era) sua estudante de doutoramento. Neste caso não se tratava só de serem colegas de profissão, mas partilhavam os mesmos problemas a cada momento. Isto seria para mim no mínimo sufocante, apesar de muito comum no mundo científico. E deve também assumir, que a minha personalidade competitiva nunca na vida me permitiria semelhante coisa.
De tal forma as interrogações tinham razão de ser que a revista generalista de divulgação de ciência, The Scientist, publicou um artigo sobre os casais cientistas, intitulado


“In Sickness and in Health. Making marriage work at the job can be challenging for couples as well as colleagues". http://www.the-scientist.com/article/home/24482/.


E para os eventualmente interessados, aqui vão dez conselhos mais ou menos úteis. De facto, podem ser aplicados às mais variadas profissões pois não é apenas no mundo dos cientistas que este tipo de relações acontece.


10 WAYS TO SAVE YOUR SCIENTIFIC MARRIAGE - AND CAREER
Two couples - Gordon Lithgow and Julie Andersen, researchers at the Buck Institute for Age Research, and Chris and Susan Molineaux at Proteolix - have successful marriages and scientific careers. Here are their secrets for success.

1. "Avoid even slightly giving the wrong impression that YOUR career and YOUR science is more important than the other person's," says Gordon Lithgow.
2. "Don't forget to cite your spouse's papers if they are relevant!" says Lithgow.
3. Do not "become too much of a united front," says Julie Andersen. "You want your colleagues to feel comfortable communicating with you as an individual rather than feeling they need to deal with the two of you as a block." And "don't have lunch together," says Chris Molineaux, vice president of development at Proteolix. "You don't want to shut out other people. Also, there's nothing left to talk about at dinner!"
4. "Women, keep your maiden name," says Chris Molineaux. "It maintains your separate identity - you can remain "stealth marrieds" for much longer. And when people ask for "Dr. . . . ", the receptionist/mate/child doesn't have to keep asking, "Him or her?'"
5. "Don't be too rigid about where you want to live, when you want to move, etc.," says Chris Molineaux. "When there are two careers, the choices are sometimes more limited. Universities are often located far apart from one another and industries are usually ‘regionalized,' so couples have to be ready to live wherever it works out, and often have long commutes. This has happened to us several times."
6. "Don't go to the same meetings unless absolutely necessary," says Chris Molineaux. "We've often said, ‘You don't need two Molineauxs at a meeting,' since we usually have the same answers/observations/questions."
7. "For women in particular: Always view yourself as a stand-alone economic unit; that is, negotiate for a position as if you were by yourself," says Susan Molineaux, CEO of Proteolix.
8. "Also for women: Make sure both of you are committed to sharing childcare, because both of you will have jobs that demand way more than 40 hours a week," says Susan Molineaux.
9. The Molineauxs' second daughter cautions: "Don't discuss science at breakfast."
10. But "do talk about science - after breakfast," says Susan Molineaux. "Sharing a passion is key for a long-term relationship," she says.